Killswitch Engage frontman Jesse Leach has opened up about leaving the band back in 2002.
Leach sang on the Massachusetts metalcore favourites’ first two albums before departing. He was replaced by Howard Jones, but returned to the band in 2012.
In the new issue of Metal Hammer, Leach describes the mental health crisis he went through while touring for the band’s 2002 breakthrough album Alive Or Just Breathing. He says feelings of social anxiety and depression began building up after the album’s release, eventually leading to suicidal thoughts.
The singer remembers, “The moment we got signed [to Roadrunner Records] and things started to happen, that’s when people wanted my autograph. People wanted to grab a picture with me and it was like, ‘What? That’s wild.’ It started to build social anxiety within me. I started to dread it.”
He continues, “Back then, I was a very insecure, social anxiety-ridden kid, who didn’t have a total handle on my art. I started to get depressed. My anxiety was crippling me. I would hide out before the show, play the set, hide out after, not be sociable, not have fun, and that just started wearing thin on me. I felt very alone, I was having a rough time with my voice and my mental health. I became pretty much suicidal. I had the wherewithal at least to bail and get out of there.”
Leach adds that the discourse around mental health in the metal scene was in a much different place in 2002 than it is today. He remembers posting about his wellbeing on Myspace and receiving several hate comments, but says he also started some discussion and support among fans.
“You kind of weave through all that [the hate comments], then you see the gems,” he continues, “the comments of someone who’s like, ‘I’m a firefighter… a big, tough guy… I’ve got issues. Thank you so much for speaking out.’ This empowers me to want to talk more about it and that narrative.”
Leach finishes by saying that he’s learned to live with his depression and anxiety, calling it his “muse”. “You learn how to live with it,” he explains. “You exercise certain techniques and thought patterns, and there’s so many things you can do to sort of live with mental disorders. If I’m going through a bout of depression, I can write some pretty intense stuff.”
Killswitch Engage will release This Consequence, their fourth album with Leach since his return, next month. The singer told Hammer last year that the follow-up to 2019’s Atonement contains lots of “righteous anger”.
“It sounds insane,” he said. “It sounds maybe different to how we’ve sounded before. The songs are really full of piss and vinegar. There’s a good handful of thrashy songs, there’s a lot of anger, but it’s righteous anger – it’s not down in the dumps and negative. There’s a lot of ferocity and frustration.”
The band will tour North America from March through to July to promote their newest release. See dates and details via the Killswitch Engage website.
Read the full interview with Leach in the new issue of Hammer. The magazine also features an interview with cover stars Spiritbox, getting the insider info on new album Tsunami Sea, as well as the story of Limp Bizkit’s surprise 2020s renaissance. Order your copy now and get it delivered directly to your door.
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